I really don’t know what I am doing.
I jumped without a parachute.
And as I am falling.
I am freaking out.
Closing my eyes and praying.
What the f*ck did I just do?
I have sat in this place of misery. The burnout The fatigue. The drain. The exhaustion.
I have wallowed in the quicksand. Slowly sinking. Half heartedly grabbing for something to pull myself free and clutching on loose twigs and grass.
We force ourselves to confirm to norms placed on us by society. We try to fit into the box that we have been told to fit into. Do this. Don’t do that.
Stay were you are. You have a job. It pays well. It has benefits. Why change? Don’t make waves.
When we stay places that no longer serve our souls we become burnout, tired and exhausted.
Sometimes, you know why you hate your job. Your co-workers. The hours. The pay. Your boss. The environment. The work. The clients.
And sometimes, it’s just a feeling. The sinking of your stomach before work. The rapid heart beat. The nausea. Perhaps it’s a headache. A cold. A stomach ache.
And yet you push forward. Get dressed. Drive in. Day after day after day. Slowly dying inside.
And you start to hate life. Start to lose joy. Start to lose yourself.
For some, you might need to have a much-needed conversation with your boss about what you need. What needs to change for you to feel better about your work.
For some it might be a much-needed vacation.
For some it will be the death of one identity and the birth of new one.
We hate change. We fear it. We run from. So we stay places with hate. With people we do not like out of fear. We become complacent. Accepting of our realities. Forgetting that we have the power to create our own reality.
When you come to the realization that your career, your job, your partner. No longer serve your highest good. That you are miserable and something has to give. You start to look for a way to relief the pressure and pain.
Perhaps, it is a career change. A new job. Leaving your partner. Finding your voice.
When you are faced with the decision to stay or go. To choose happiness on the path of uncertainty over misery on the path of certainty. I hope you choose the path of uncertainty.