Lost Life: Sitting in the nothingness

Sitting in the painful silence. Waiting for a sign. A sign that I have no idea what it is, what it looks like, sounds like, tastes like, feel like. I have no idea how it will come to me other than illusive thoughts, transient ephemeral moments where I get a glimpse of something, and then it’s gone. Leaving me to run after something I don’t even know. Will I even know it when I find it? Or will I pass it by again? I know when I have lost it agin, it leaves a nagging feeling. LIke I’ve missed something, forgotten something. Overlooked something. Until these thoughts, these feelings settles into the recesses of my mind. Buried and left to be forgotten, like much of life. I am left to my distractions. Leaving me in the land of forgotten. Where I numb myself with food, television and technology. I fall into technology, the world and it’s horrors in my face and I am blissful numb. Scrolling, posting, half reading. Nothing penetrates my leathery worn exterior. Life has made me but a shell of a person. Until I hear the whisper. Barely audible. Hair on my neck pricks. All my senses alert. Scanning the room, Am I the only one that heard it?  How can that be? Did not one else hear the whisper? The soft cry? I strain my ears, I silence the room. And nothing. The whisper once again fades into the nothingness. So I sit in the nothingness. The silence. Waiting again. The flash of light, the faint sound, the brush of air, a slight smell of something familiar that I cannot place, the taste of sweetness lingers on my lips. I sit in the uncomfortable anxious excitement, knowing that something just beyond my reach. Begging me to notice, so that this nothingness becomes alive once again.

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