Lost Life: Sitting in the nothingness

Sitting in the painful silence. Waiting for a sign. A sign that I have no idea what it is, what it looks like, sounds like, tastes like, feel like. I have no idea how it will come to me other than illusive thoughts, transient ephemeral moments where I get a glimpse of something, and then…

And here it starts, again

Raw, from my mind, my soul, my heart. Yet to be cencored or edited by my ego. The voice that whispers, “follow the magic, the love, the pain.” It starts with a curiosity, a longing, a wondering. Who were they? What were their stories? And how am I them, if at all? I am filled…

Depression

Inward scratching pushing outward Nausea turns the stomach, creeping upward and trying to escape Unsettled body, abandoned long ago, holder of memories, pain, trauma-adorned, covered to distract and hide. long neglected a empty prison Thoughts invading, abstractions causing angst Emotions flooding overflowing uncontrollable trembling bones, prickly skin Body emitting The only option is to flee,…

Suicide doesn’t have to be the answer

I wrote this a couple years ago, posted it on an old blog. And it is still relevant.  Especially in light of Chester Bennington’s suicide. These are still words that need to be heard. Because I want you to understand, that even if it doesn’t feel like it, you matter! Suicide is a permanent solution…

Trauma (therapy Thursdays)

Empty eyes, gazing away- lost and marous. The look when trauma enters the room. It’s like a flickering light, deciding on whether or not it’s going to stay on or off. And once it’s on or off, there is no turning back. It’s like a 50 foot wave has crashed upon the person sitting across…

All the lonely people

A deep sadness exists today. Profound and devouring. An inability to cope. Light lost in the darkness. Heads down. Absorbed in technology. Losing contact. Lost. Alone. Day after day. Locked away. Trying to cure loneliness with technology. We lack human interaction and ability to connect. Each and everyday the sea of zombies slug through life….

To all the haters, judgers, predators, and so on (part 2)

To all the predators, violators, manipulators, haters, judgers, silencers, watchers, persecutors, and those who failed to speak up. To all those who sat in silence and watched my self-destruction. Judged me. Held me accountable for my self-hatred, without seeing the broken, lost soul screaming for love, attention and help. For those who saw me as…

Depression (Therapy Thursday)

We fear those emotions that we do not like to feel. As if by feeling them they will consume, swallow and change us. This fear is not unfounded. I have been swallowed by depression. Consumed with grief. Changed from melancholy. It’s the dark that we fear. The being caught in quicksand with no life rope….

The Sin of Happy and the Honor in Misery (Therapy Thursday)

Why is it so hard to be happy? Why do we fight it? Why would we rather spend time complaining then talking about the good things? Well, there are a couple of reasons. Our society thrives off of drama, look at our television shows. We find our meaning as people through suffering. Many of us…

Are we in the matrix? (psychosis and spirituality)

Over the weekend, I watched Year Million. Experts, on the show, theorize that we may already be living in the matrix and if we aren’t now, then in the future we will for sure be uploaded and living digitally. However all the same issues that exist now with the on line universe will exist in…

And it matters why?

Caught up in others Good, bad, indifferent matters depends on the lens We care about the impressions that we make on others. Other’s opinions of us matter. Know that all impressions are based on our own perceptions, ideas, feelings, past, beliefs and so on. We can’t always influence how others feel about us. Be kind. Do…

Catapulting where?

Hurling forwards, or backwards, striving for control fear stops, heart ignites So often in life we feel forced towards some direction. We perceive that life is throwing us off the edge, or others are controlling our decisions. We struggle to keep control in our lives, often times undermining ourselves to stay safe. Fear often rules how…