Lost Life: Sitting in the nothingness

Sitting in the painful silence. Waiting for a sign. A sign that I have no idea what it is, what it looks like, sounds like, tastes like, feel like. I have no idea how it will come to me other than illusive thoughts, transient ephemeral moments where I get a glimpse of something, and then…

Your birthday today -a wish from a mom

Tbis space, WordPress, is where I come to speak my truth from my heart, uncensored (typos and all). Today is your birthday. I day I celebrate. As the years pass, there’s a sadness. No longer my baby, my child who is with me, a constant companion. You have your own life. I rejoice in the…

Depression

Inward scratching pushing outward Nausea turns the stomach, creeping upward and trying to escape Unsettled body, abandoned long ago, holder of memories, pain, trauma-adorned, covered to distract and hide. long neglected a empty prison Thoughts invading, abstractions causing angst Emotions flooding overflowing uncontrollable trembling bones, prickly skin Body emitting The only option is to flee,…

The deep

In the blue Deep dark and black Stirs the awakening Prickly and innocent Churning Empties the mind In the deep Dark Blue Night expands Twinkling glimmers of posibities Dancing Looking for a home Is it you?

Facing Fear (Therapy Thursday)

Is fear stopping you from being your authentic self? Many of us hold back who we are. We allow fear to stop us from shining our own brilliant light. Is fear is keeping you from living life? Maybe fear has trapped you. Do you feel everything around you and have become isolated because you fear…

Suicide doesn’t have to be the answer

I wrote this a couple years ago, posted it on an old blog. And it is still relevant.  Especially in light of Chester Bennington’s suicide. These are still words that need to be heard. Because I want you to understand, that even if it doesn’t feel like it, you matter! Suicide is a permanent solution…

Trauma (therapy Thursdays)

Empty eyes, gazing away- lost and marous. The look when trauma enters the room. It’s like a flickering light, deciding on whether or not it’s going to stay on or off. And once it’s on or off, there is no turning back. It’s like a 50 foot wave has crashed upon the person sitting across…

All the lonely people

A deep sadness exists today. Profound and devouring. An inability to cope. Light lost in the darkness. Heads down. Absorbed in technology. Losing contact. Lost. Alone. Day after day. Locked away. Trying to cure loneliness with technology. We lack human interaction and ability to connect. Each and everyday the sea of zombies slug through life….

To my inner teenager (part 3)

Dearest me, adolescent me, First know that you are loved, unconditionally, deeply and profoundly. You have carried my shame and burdens, without complaint. Thank you. You are my inspiration. My poet. My artist. My punker. My goth. My love of horror. My witch. My rebel. You are my dark crafty, creative side. Ever loving Edgar…

To all the haters, judgers, predators, and so on (part 2)

To all the predators, violators, manipulators, haters, judgers, silencers, watchers, persecutors, and those who failed to speak up. To all those who sat in silence and watched my self-destruction. Judged me. Held me accountable for my self-hatred, without seeing the broken, lost soul screaming for love, attention and help. For those who saw me as…

Digital Dilemma (Psychosis and Spirituality)

It’s the busyness that kills us.  I sit down to write, to edit, to organize my thoughts in a presentable manner and then I get sucked into the madness of the digital world.  I check emails and reply to them.  I check Facebook and post.  I scroll through the posts, clicking on links.  Watching videos….

The Art of Dissociation (psychosis and spirituality)

Her eyes are empty as she tells the story of her rape. His face blank has he tells the story of years of torture and abuse. To some, they may seem cold and distant. Unemotional. I see self-preservation. I see the self, the soul, the body doing everything it can to save its self. To…